IHateMyRingName: ZOMG HAI~!
IHateMyRingName: Yeah. That's right. I'm a 14 year old Asian girl.
batmaimz: are you at home?
batmaimz: and way to stalk my online status
IHateMyRingName: My boredome is boundless.
IHateMyRingName: Errr... boredom*
batmaimz: right.. where are you? like right now
IHateMyRingName: Uhh, on my couch? With a laptop?
IHateMyRingName: I'm afraid... Why?
batmaimz: because I had a conersation with lawn furniture this morning
batmaimz: *conversation, even
batmaimz: and I'm drinking but somehow managing not to get drunk... it's evading me
IHateMyRingName: Sounds like fun... maybe... I dunno.
IHateMyRingName: Drinking because of that whole “you know what I'm talking about don't make me say it” thing?
IHateMyRingName: How's that goin' if you don't mind me asking?
batmaimz: which thing? the one where there's a guy who has proof he's my dad, or the thing where Alexandra hid that AND the fact that she orchestrated me getting coked up agian?
batmaimz: neither is going well
batmaimz: maybe I'm just crazy and taking it all too harsh
batmaimz: or... y'know... maybe I'm sane and everything she's ever touched is fucking CRAZY AS HELL
batmaimz: but I'm good... I'm hidden... I'm fucking sad... but sure
IHateMyRingName: I'm sorry. :(
IHateMyRingName: That's kinda fucked. Don't really know what to say.
IHateMyRingName: You need anything?
batmaimz: I need everybody not to say 'I told you so'...
batmaimz: and I need to have alone time, to think and all of that... except that I discovered over the past few hours that alone time is total bullshit
batmaimz: and being alone is fucking boring
batmaimz: and that I really really REALLY need a friend with me... but I'm supposed to be clearing my head, blahblahblah, finding a new place to live
batmaimz: I considered having Quinn deliver my cat to me here, just so I'd have someone to talk to
batmaimz: the cat, not Quinn - she's keeping her distance right now so I'm not as reminded of...
batmaimz: i'm rambling
IHateMyRingName: Don't worry about it.
IHateMyRingName: Fire away with ahwtaver you got.
IHateMyRingName: And WOW that wasn't a real word.
IHateMyRingName: The cat though, not so awesome when it comes to the advice, but at least it won't say anything dumb. :)
IHateMyRingName: ...yeah, my jokes suck.
batmaimz: how do you feel about snow in california?
batmaimz: or... like... going to the only place in California that really and truly HAS snow
batmaimz: check your e-mail, btw
IHateMyRingName: ...
IHateMyRingName: Wow. Didn't see that one coming.
IHateMyRingName: Hrm. Wellllllll...
IHateMyRingName: ...
IHateMyRingName: ...!!!!
IHateMyRingName: Nah, just kidding. I'm in.
IHateMyRingName: Red eye. Should be a trip.
batmaimz: you'll have to stay here... these things are fucking EXPENSIVE and they're like nazis about getting all they can out of your credit card
batmaimz: my unit's all nice and stuff
batmaimz: err...
batmaimz: this cabin
batmaimz: yeah... anyhoo, roomy couch-bed thing
IHateMyRingName: That's fine.
IHateMyRingName: I don't take up much space, and I don't snore... Least I don't think I do.
IHateMyRingName: I dunno. No one will tell me.
batmaimz: don't worry about it
batmaimz: so I can't pick you up... I kinda have no rental... buuuuut
batmaimz: I'll text your phone exactly how to get here once I turn mine on tonight
IHateMyRingName: Killer.
IHateMyRingName: It's not one of those places I'll need a treasure map to find is it?
batmaimz: ski resort in Big Bear... where I'm not skiing
batmaimz: BUT I'll see your friendly ass here tomorrow
batmaimz: if I don't drink myself to death by morning
IHateMyRingName: Oh good, because now I'm not worried AT ALL. -_-
IHateMyRingName: And now I have to make you ski.
IHateMyRingName: Sorry, it'[s in the rules.
IHateMyRingName: WHY TEH HELL CAN;T I TYPE?!
IHateMyRingName: ...sigh.
batmaimz: see you tomorrow, dickbag... signing off before anybody else sees me
IHateMyRingName: l8r kiddo

Given the circumstances, Jared felt it prudent to keep a fair amount of distance between them on the couch. He was tucked as far into the corner as he could fit, positioned so that he could carry on a conversation without having to turn his head. And while his host had opted for a bit of alcohol, Jared was downing caffeine by the bucketful, desperate to keep himself awake. The flight had been long, had run overnight, and had taken a considerable toll on him. A childhood enthusiasm for flying that carried into adulthood prevented him from sleeping on planes.

“It’s almost impossible for me to see Gillian Anderson on screen and not expect her to get abducted by aliens.” Jared rubbed at his eyes, trying to stifle the effects of almost thirty hours awake. “It’s so weird. All I can think is ‘Scully is hot’.”

They were about a third of the way into Playing By Heart a film he’d never seen before, and one he was quite certain he’d have never watched on his own volition.

“Not gonna lie,” he continued, this time trying to hold back a yawn. “Jon Stewart is no Fox Mulder.”

“You're right,” Amy chuckled, “In this movie, he's not a bitch. X-Files can suck it.”

“Aww, no way.” Under normal circumstances his counterargument would have been much more energetic. As it was it took what reserves he had to simply not close his eyes and nod off. “And don't hate. You're talking about my, well... not really childhood. Formative years? I dunno. Something. Fuck it.”

“Just never got the appeal of that guy.” Amy had stood as she shrugged, crossing the room to the mini-fridge where an unopened bottle of wine was chilling. A moment of fiddling with the corkscrew later, she set it down on the coffee table and slumped back onto the couch. “Letting it breathe. Anyway, I really don't get the whole David Douchecovney thing. Especially in that X-Files movie with the shitty beard... so wrong. I think I'm strange, I never understood most girls' crushes. Or nerd crushes, in this case.”

“Is it, because, you know...” He raised his eyebrows and cleared his throat, hoping that she'd catch on. She didn’t, and thus he was left to try and complete his thought. “The whole, well, 'girl' thing?”

'What gir--” Her eyes flew back open suddenly. “Ohhh, yeah... I'm not... err. Okay. So you know I'm not... y'know... right? I mean, I didn't suddenly, like, turn...”

Campbell snickered, kicking a bare foot out playfully to Sykes' knee. “There've been girls.” She said finally. “Three, counting this last hurrah. One was... err... more of a one-night type thing. You've heard about her, actually - just not from me. Never from me. She's a... well, same career. The other was -- is -- one of my better friends. Best, even. She... is absolutely nothing like the last one. But we's friends, still strong. I love her to death, but it's definitely just a friend thing.”

“I didn't love her, you know.” Amy added.

Jared recoiled slightly. “Wow. That actually kinda surprises me. I always got the vibe that you two were pretty tight, at least for a while.”

He unscrewed the cap of his Mountain Dew, the last remnant from a six-pack of bottles he'd picked up on his way, and set the empty container down next to the rest of its fallen brethren. “Alright, stop me if I'm over the line here, but... why hang on so long, then? I mean, for the last few months there's been a lot of venting. Like, a lot. I don't get it.”

“Nothing I've ever done has really meant anything.” Amy shrugged. “It's been a lot of learning, a lot of mistakes, and that -- the affair -- was one of the biggest. I was bored and selfish, but I saw this little light in her and I think I thought - as a friend, at first - I could pull it to the surface. Mostly after I found out about Quinn, I wanted to open Alex up to who I knew she really was - someone worth having a daughter. Then when... well, there was that energy between us, and when she made her move, it was like 'Fuck it'.”

She decided to abandon the idea of the wine warming up, grabbing the bottle and taking as much as she could then. “Everything after that was me desperately trying to make the mistake mean something. I wanted to love her, because then something could have come of my fuck-up, but it didn't happen... and it kept not happening. The more and more I learned about her, the more I knew it wouldn't. I'd love to be her friend, she's fascinating, but I'm crazy enough on my own. This was sixteen months of me failing miserably.”

“But why now?”

That's when Amy's defenses came up a little. She sat up straight, staring at the TV to keep herself a bit distracted. “Because I found out what she did to me. That I'll never be able to trust her - and it's hard to force love when you can't even muster up trust. Before she decided that I was worth her time as anything more than a business venture, she... well, you know the drug thing? She orchestrated my reintroduction to cocaine pretty brilliantly. I was too hard to control unless there was a carrot she could dangle in front of me, and once she found out the kind I had a taste for, she used it. There're... well, other things, too, but the bottom line is that the insanity - even if it's just in her past - was more than I could handle. I got tired of diving for wreckage.”

“And the sex was decent,” She continued. “Hot, passionate... just the wrong kind. The really wrong kind. All fire, no substance. No connection... just teasing the right animal instinct. That's probably more than you cared to know, though. In the end, I just wanted to make it mean something, and it didn't. I operated on compulsion and prayed for a connection that never clicked.”

His right hand had balled itself into a fist, slowly at first, each finger rolling into place starting with the smallest and working up. It was only when he felt his fingers start to go numb did he realize what he’d done, and he immediately hoped she didn’t notice. Her admission had triggered something, a tiny ember in the back of his mind that threatened to burn down his self-control. It was the same feeling he’d experienced when Lane Stevens had made his hallway threats, only with no avenue to vent his sudden and overwhelming frustration he was forced to bottle it, to lock it away. Jared made a mental note and tried to move on. Anger and protective impulses wouldn’t help the situation any.

It was after a few slow, cleansing breaths that he spoke again.

“That’s pretty fucked up.” Hiding it proved harder than he anticipated. “I mean, who does that to someone? That’s… Look, I’m sorry to say it, but that’s just nuts.”

He pressed his eyes tight and shook his head.

Don’t let it get to you, Jared. Not now. It’s not what she needs. You have to be better than this.

“I’m sorry.” His voice had softened a bit, most of the malice having been quieted. “You deserve better than that. Like, way better.”

“While I was with her, I was shot at. Twice. Once within the past two weeks. I can't... I dunno. I can't understand her little world, even if she's out of it now. It felt like a cute thrill ride for a while, but it got old. All the under the table business seemed neat, like I was escaping into a little fantasy spy world... then reality punched me in the teeth.”

Another swig of the wine and Amy realized they were completely ignoring the movie. “She knows my real dad. At least, that's what I'm meant to believe. She knew weeks ago, and she never told me. Her presence, the SCCW thing, the whole reason I didn't get hurt in her little business... wow, this sounds insane. Needless to say, the guy who raised me might not be my real father, according to a DNA test she had done and neglected to mention to me. Did I mention I kind of hate her right now? I mean, the stuff I'm saying is real - I'm not telling you there wasn't a connection just because there isn't one now, it just plain wasn't there. But now Quinn - this girl I took in for Alex when she wasn't fit to care for a human being - she's hurt, acting like I could just forgive everything and move on as a happy family. It's fucked up.”

He swung his legs off the couch, rose to his feet, and clasped his hands together behind his head. The little ember had sparked up, and it suddenly didn’t matter how well he tried to hide his emotions. Without a word Jared walked to the sliding glass doors that looked out onto the porch and pressed his forehead against it, hoping the cool would help wick away some of the heat coursing through his skin.

“Fucking hell,” he spat and pressed harder against the glass. Outside the snow fell lightly. Around him the world was serene, but inside his mind there was a torrent of anger building.

“She asked me… she asked me how to be a good person.” Jared almost laughed the words. “Good fucking luck.”

“It's a bad sign when you have to work at something like that. I wish I could be away from her - erased from her life - but I love Quinn to death. I'm backing off for a while, at the very least - that situation's weird enough without me.”

After another drink, Amy grinned sheepishly, sadly. “I hope you don't think I'm a complete moron. Like... I don't put myself in bad situations for attention, even though I sometimes have to question it myself.”

“I don't think that. Not at all.” He left his head against the glass but turned it slightly to get a better look across the room. “I’m just… I’m trying to figure out what would make a person do something like that, and to be honest with you it’s really hard to wrap my head around.”

“Like, I’ve seen some crazy shit in my life. I’ve been places where the bizarre is the standard operating procedure, you know?” Jared edged away from the door and altered his posture, leaning his back against it. He could feel the cool even through his shirt, and it sent a chill sprinting the length of his spine. “Amy, I’ve been this close to feeling like I was about to lose my mind, and even then… I can’t imagine that kind of crazy.”

“Not gonna lie,” he added, stepping away from the door. “Not quite sure I like her anymore.”

“I wasn't aware that you liked her in the first place, except when you were trying to date her--JOKE!” She suddenly scrambled back on the couch, bracing herself like a grounded MMA fighter with feet ready to kick out. “DON'T SHOOT!”

His reaction to this was reflexive, as it had been a year ago when the rest of his friends had made similar jokes. He rolled his eyes. “I was never trying to date her. I just wanted to know if she was, I dunno, human. Person like that gets a reputation. Figured if I was going to be stuck working with her that I'd try and see for myself.”

He paused to sigh. “Guess we know how that worked out, huh?”

“Yep. I took the bullet.”

“And I caught a few dozen chairs to the head.” He grinned, and stepped back towards the couch. “Strange that I feel like I got the better deal.”

“Well, hey - one of us got laid, right?”

Jared chuckled - kind of a pity laugh, if anything, and the joke hung in the air for a moment before Amy popped up to her feet. “Well, you look exhausted, and the wine's making me sleepy...”

“Doesn't sound like such a bad idea.” His eyes went to the couch, a short gesture followed. “This thing fold out?”

“Strangely, yes. Apparently they expect families to rent these chalets, not lonely cat ladies. Just don't let Reaper scare you - he claimed the couch as his last night, so he might attempt to mark his territory or something equally creepy.”

“Meow.” The cat protested.

“He knows kung fu, also. I'd watch my back if I were you. The linen closet by the bathroom has the extra sheets and stuff, last I checked.”

Skiing.

He said over the computer that he’d try and make her do it, and strangely it had been an easier sell than he’d anticipated. The thought of throwing himself down a mountain strapped to a near-frictionless surface was less than appealing, but he’d flown across the country to be there, and the gauntlet had been thrown down. Fortunately there was no one nearby who knew him, as it was a generally accepted fact among his closest friends that it was something of a miracle he could move as well as he did inside a wrestling ring, given that he tended to not be very coordinated.

Thus far the day had gone about as well as he’d expected.

After spending the first thirty minutes of the day fighting against the bindings, he’d managed to strap the skis in place. He promptly fell over while trying to do little more than stand perfectly still, an act that drew a few laughs from his female friend.

He’d been beaten by both the tow-rope and the J-bar, each of which he’d somehow managed to fall off of, even though neither required him to leave his feet. The incident with the towrope was particularly embarrassing, given the number of small children who seemed to navigate the device with relative ease. One, a rather obnoxious young boy in an olive parka, had even made a point to stop and offer what he probably thought to be sound advice. Unfortunately, “You suck” didn’t really help Jared all that much.

Shortly thereafter he lost control while trying to glide to a picnic table and slid into a shallow ditch. Once again he was on his ass.

By the time they had decided to bypass all the standard newbie warm-ups, Jared was pretty well convinced that throwing himself down a mountainside was a phenomenal idea, if only that it meant he might crash into something and alleviate the mounting embarrassment the day had brought thus far.

“Okay, just to be sure, there’s pretty much no way I can fall off the chair lift, right?” His right foot slid a bit as he spoke, but he quickly worked to steady himself. “I mean, not like I haven’t done that enough today.”

“I'm not too sure. These things scare the hell out of me.” That much was obvious, because she kept a hand near his arm, hoping Jared wouldn't notice her clutching the sleeve of his bulky snow jacket. “But you do know we're just doing this so I can watch you fall, right? I'm terrible, uncoordinated... pretty much exactly like you are, only it's far less amusing to me when I'm the one crashing into shit.”

“Oh, wonderful,” he said, sliding forward a step in line. “You realize though that if I fall and you fall and we crash into something big and heavy that we're going to need someone to be all 'we need to rescue a couple of retards', right? I mean, have we thought this through?”

“That's why they have EMTs on site. And why I'm going to be doing more watching than skiing!”

“Jesus. Well, that's reassuring.” Jared smiled, but it quickly faded when her second statement finally registered in his brain. “Wait, what? You can't just spectate here. So unfair. So unfair.”

When they finally got on the lift, Amy turned away from Jared. She had her eyes squeezed shut, hoping the goggles might keep him from noticing - she loathed heights, in spite of what she could do in and around a wrestling ring. “I'm going up and I'm going down. Just not with as much enthusiasm as I'll have watching you go down.”

Sykes said nothing, maybe because there was a dirty joke coming to mind, but more likely because she deserved a chance to correct the statement before anything else was said - and she did. “Err... that sounded dirtier than it was. I meant the skiing, not... guh. I'm going down the hill. And also I'm really glad Lane Stevens is thousands of miles away while I trip over my own tongue.”

“You know that 'tongue' line isn't any better, right?” he giggled, clutching the side of the lift for dear life. “Just sayin'.”

“See that? Jokes like that are the reason I'm not even gonna bother trying to develop something with that guy I was telling you about...” She chuckled, but meant it - he just didn't know who the man in question really was. “The one I started to get a little bit of a crush on when I was still with Alex. I never cheated or any of that shit, though... she was batshit crazy, but too loyal to do that to.”

The words were intended to be something to distract her from the distance between the ground and her boots. “Aaaand we're almost up top. Any last words?”

His eyes traced a path to the ground, and then the entirety of the distance between the top of this particular trail and the lodge a few thousand feet below. When he finally convinced himself to leave the confines of the lift and set his feet back on solid ground the first thing he did was jam the ends of both poles hard into the packed snow, clutching each hard enough that the tips of his fingers went numb.

“Yeah, umm...” The capacity for rational thought had left him. “Just make sure they scrape me into a pretty bucket.”

He tried to force a smile, tried to show her that he wasn't scared of no damn fool mountain. He wasn't entirely sure it was convincing.

“Seriously, I have to do this alone?”

“Of course not!” Amy smiled and slipped an arm around his shoulders. “... But you'll be doing it first!”

Before Jared could so much as turn his head to question what she meant, Campbell had given him a playful, yet full-force shove down the slope.

“Hey. Hey!”

It was the last coherent thought he spoke before gravity took hold of him and pulled hard in the direction of the lodge. Everything after that, the intelligible parts anyway, was nothing more than a string of obscure profanities held together by terrified screams. Amy followed a moment later, much slower and with greater control than the wailing, flailing mess she'd sent on his way. And when Jared drifted off track and into some light brush, she made sure to note the things he crashed into.

First there were some snow-dusted shrubs that clipped him at the ankles and sent him tumbling to the ground.

Next came a few wayward branches, but they did little to slow his descent.

It was at that point that his right ski dislodged, taking up residence amidst a rocky outcropping.

Eventually Jared himself came to a halt. The snow machine he'd skidded into might have had something to do with that.

The injuries sustained were mild enough not to warrant the medics, thankfully. Actually, they were, but a professional wrestler with the already-wobbly reputation of Jared Sykes wasn't about to completely embarrass himself by having his lone female friend call the EMTs for a few cuts and bruises (and a possibly broken kneecap - but the squishy feeling subsided when the swelling took over and that was a good sign, right?).

“Have I mentioned how sorry I am?” It had taken them about an hour and a half to make it back to the chalet that held Amy's credit card prisoner for at least another five nights. “Really thought you'd be able to stop after like five feet on the even ground...” Her eyebrows were still raised, giving an impressed look to Sykes as she helped him through the door. “But you really took that mountain like a champ. Up the ass, but still like a champ.”

Sykes winced as he sank almost immediately onto the fold-out couch that was serving as his bed, and Amy finished her thought with another “So yeah, really sorry. Should not be making fun.”

He let his head flop back into the cushion and closed his eyes, trying to will away the throbbing on the right side of his forehead.

“Yeah, I'm not quite sure you're wrong,” he sighed. “Pretty sure that a few branches got a little too friendly for their own good on the way down.”

Jared tried to force a smile, but it proved harder than he expected. Everything hurt. The mountain was bad enough on its own, but the abrupt stop the snow machine had introduced took things to a whole new level.

“Probably make a good story, at least,” Jared continued, adjusting in his seat. This too proved to be something of a challenge. “Get to tell all your friends about the time you paid for a guy to fly across the country so you could throw him down a mountain. El-oh-el's all around, for that one.”

“I said I was sorry!”

“That makes two of us!” He tried to laugh - a considerably more painful challenge.

“That was actually the first time I've been skiing,” Campbell's admission came as she tossed her coat to the floor by her boots and ducked into the washroom, leaving the door open, but breaking Jared's line of sight while she changed out of snow-soaked jeans. “Been snowboarding a couple of times, but it's kinda funny - I grew up a few miles from a massive ski resort. For special occasions - especially Valentine's Day - guys would always take their girlfriends up there. Skiing, hot chocolate, cozy fire... the works.”

She came back into the main room wearing the same silky pajama bottoms she changed into every night, but this time there was a first-aid kit along for the ride, and she was making her way to the couch.

“That's not what's funny, of course.” Campbell chuckled, slinking onto the cushions next to Jared, propped up on her knees and working through the kit to find the proper supplies. A redhead with scissors made him more nervous than almost anything, even though it was just to cut open an icyhot pack. “The funny part is that I was never without company on Valentine's Day, or almost any other, but I've still never been there for anything but a couple of lone snowboarding expeditions. Seriously - there should be a record for 'world's worst taste in men', I'm pretty sure I'd be in the running.”

Wordlessly (at first), Jared winced when Amy raised the scissors again. “Relax! Just customizing these shitty bandaids for that scrape on your cheek. I figured you'd rather not have half your face covered. Don't worry, I'm not in the habit of whining my way to stabbing my friends... and is your head feeling any better yet?”

“That awesome stabbing sensation’s gone. Now it’s just kinda throbbing.” He rubbed at his temple as he watched her cut the bandages. He expected that any second now their roles would be reversed, and he’d be trying to mend a self-inflicted scissor wound on her hand.

“Can I ask you something?” Jared didn’t wait for an answer before diving into his question. “Why do you do that? Like, you beat yourself up a lot even when you joke around. It’s weird, but I notice shit like this. I just don’t get why you do it.” He cocked his head slightly to the side. “Wanna clue me in?”

“It's better than being a Jon Rhine and blaming the rest of the world for my life playing out like a terrible, overdramatic movie.” She shrugged, “I'm not blind. I know I do stupid things and make bad choices, even when I think I'm trying not to. Guess I'd just rather head up the Amy-hating movement than get surprised and trampled by it. Now hold still and I'm gonna pretend I don't kind of enjoy how much these alcohol wipes are gonna sting your scratches!”

“You shouldn't.” Instinct caused him to squirm when her hand came close. Flashbacks to iodine on childhood cuts immediately sprang to mind. “Give yourself some credit, you know? Fuck whatever anyone says, or anyone thinks.” He laughed once and shook his head. “Okay, so maybe I'm not the person to listen to here, seeing as... yeah, same thing. But seriously though. You know you do it and you own up to it. That counts, kid.”

“At least it makes it hurt less if I pretend I'm self-aware enough to agree with what people say about me.”

“Okay, that's a lie. You and I both know that's not how it works.” He deftly managed to dodge another swipe from the medicated gauze. “After everything you've told me you need -- you need to give yourself a break.”

“Not really an option.” She said matter-of-factly, pressing the icyhot against his forehead. “Is this cold enough? My hands are too cold to tell.”

“Yeah, it's fi-ah!” He winced a little at the touch. “Jesus, I wasn't expecting that.”

Jared waited until the chill had subsided and the sting became more tolerable before he spoke again.”Amy, I'm gonna level with you. Yeah, I've seen you do stuff you're probably not proud of, but I've also seen past it. I'm starting to get a sense of who you actually are, and it's kind of amazing. If you don't see it, then I feel kinda bad, because the girl I know is...” In defiance of the cold against his scratches and scrapes, Jared felt a sudden flush of heat in his cheeks. “Hell, I'd have flown here on my own dime.” He grinned. “Even if you did try to kill me this afternoon.”

When she moved in to peck him on the cheek, it might have been crossing a line - but Amy hadn't put any thought behind the motion, driven only by the same words that brought her smile just then. “Way to be sweet and make me...” She hadn't drawn her face away from his yet, and something about the closeness slowed her down. “... even more...”

Amy had interrupted herself with another of those thoughtless movements, lightly brushing her lips to Jared's. She'd intended to voice her apology for the hundredth time, maybe make a joke about the last time they'd shared a couch, when he drunkenly kissed her... but then she found herself right back in that moment. This time, they were stone sober and roles were reversed, though Sykes didn't pull away, even when Campbell pulled away, her eyes fluttering open to meet his - and especially not when she closed the hair's distance between their mouths again.

It continued that way for a few seconds. She’d pull away slightly, gently sweep her lips against his, barely grazing the skin, and then steal away his breath. Jared closed his eyes and tried to process what was happening. He’d only recently been able to convince himself that it had only ever been the alcohol. After two months without a repeat of that incident it had to have been the case. He knew it… didn’t he?

His body relaxed, finally at ease with the situation. His mind however was a different story. As the kisses grew longer he started to wonder whether he should do something with his hands, both of which had been hanging in space since this started. He’d bring them close, debating where or whether at all to rest them, then pull back.

The hip? The thigh? Nah, that's too close to too many places. You've seen Star Trek. You know about “the neutral zone”. You need special permission from the Federation to head there.

The shoulder? Hell, that would just be weird.

Jared lightly rested a hand at her waist and leaned forward, suddenly eager to close the remainder of the distance between them. That’s when she pulled away.

“Are... what did...?”His eyes went wide, his heart threatened to burst from his chest and throw itself on the floor.

That small touch, though feather-light, had jolted Amy back to reality. Sykes would likely spend a long time cursing himself for it, because she was off the couch and on her feet in the blink of an eye. “No.” She shook her head, backing away even more. “That's... God damnit. This is what everybody said would happen if you came here, isn't it? I can't just... I'm so fucking stupid. Falling right back into the 'nice guy' routines...”

“What? No!” Physically pained and panic-stricken he edged himself upright on the couch. “No, not at all. I swear. I… I didn’t expect this. I swear to god I didn’t.”

It hurt quite a bit to do it, but Jared pushed himself up off the couch and on to his feet. He teetered, close to falling over, but reached out to steady himself against the back of the sofa.

“I’m so confused,” he continued, his words now coming faster. “I mean, like, I didn’t plan this, and I don’t know what you mean by routine, but… Amy, what the hell is going on here?”

“Nothing.” She spoke while hauling the blankets he'd used the night before out of a corner of the room, tossing them over. “Absolutely nothing is going on. Nothing will go on. I think we both need some sleep or something, and I'll get you a return flight for tomorrow.”

“I understand,” he conceded, his voice low and his head hung. “I'll pay for it, though. I've fucked this up enough for you already.”

The regret was almost instant, but Amy wouldn't back down. “I know what you think, I know what everyone says... that's not who I am. It's not... look, whatever.” She sighed. “I'm going to bed.”

And so it went. Both got ready to rest in absolute silence, though the tension was there even after the lights went out. It was early, and neither of them were asleep, but both pretended the other was. They were still too high on the nervous energy of what they'd pretend had never happened - one kicking himself for whatever he did wrong, the other loathing herself for letting go.

Jared lay there for close to an hour, tossing and turning occasionally, but sleep didn’t come. From what he heard at the other side of the room he wasn’t alone in this.

It wasn’t the pain in his body that kept him awake as much as it was the persistent racing of his mind. The first time they kissed it was because of action he’d taken, but this time was different. This time it was Amy who’d made the first move, and without the assistance of alcohol to buffer the situation. He didn’t know what brought it on, or why she’d felt suddenly compelled to stop. What he did know was that he’d done something wrong.

He just didn’t know what it was.

At first he ignored the soft sounds of feet shuffling on the carpet, figuring that she was up to get a drink, or maybe catch a breath of fresh air. For a fleeting moment he entertained the notion that she was coming to smother him in his sleep, and he would have dismissed this outright had he not felt the slight shift of what passed for a mattress.

“Amy?” he whispered, but didn’t turn. Part of him was still embarrassed, and thus afraid to look at her. “Everything okay?”

“I just crawled into your bed.” She mumbled against his shoulder. “So obviously, something's up. I... I'm sorry for freaking out. And for kissing you. And for everything I'm about to suggest, because I don't want you to think the rumors about me are even the slightest bit true... but it's starting to drive me a little crazy, and I think we should try this...”

She could feel his muscles tense because of the confusion and nerves when she continued, correcting herself. “I mean... not like... not like some big 'this'. Not something that changes us as friends. Just once, so we can both stop wondering. Not that I think you're wondering or anything, but... well, I am. And everybody assumes it's happened already, so why not?”

He turned slowly, wondering whether this was real or something his stress-addled brain had concocted. The sight of her mere inches away put to rest any thoughts as to the truth of his predicament.

“Are you... are you suggesting what I think you're suggesting?” He tucked an arm under his pillow, afraid that this may all come crashing down once again due to wayward hands. “Because if you are...”

“Nonono, don't say no yet! 'Just hear me out before you shoot the idea down.” She said. “I promise I won't get weird on you after. I'm not going to lose a friend like you over something as dumb as... well, this - but we need to get it out of the way. I... wow, I feel pretty stupid right now. I don't know how to approach it. Like... 'Hey, I know we're awesome friends, but we can't seem to quit kissing, so let's just have some sex to clear the air'?”

He didn't say a word - he was afraid to, honestly - and that prompted her to continue. “No strings attached, I promise. But if we don't, I'm scared we'll keep that weird... weirdness between us, and--okay, can you just say yes or no so I stop rambling? You won't hurt my feelings saying no, I just... maybe it's a dumb idea. I don't want you to think I'm that girl...”

“I don't think you're that girl. I never thought you were that girl. I can't...” Jared's voice trailed and Amy's eyebrows peaked in momentary disappointment, afraid that the rejection was coming. He tried to continue. “I can't believe you don't know how I see y...”

He didn't get a chance to finish the thought. His reaction had apparently been interpreted as a resounding 'yes', and once more her lips were on his. Before things got too out of control he pulled back slightly.

“Wait. Wait.” His voice was still low. “You're gonna think this is stupid, but I don't wanna get in trouble again, so... What do I do with my hands?”

She chuckled - it couldn't be helped. “That's sort of up to you at this point, champ. I don't think this works with clothes on, though... so there's a good start.”

“Right.”

It was a little over a minute later when, in an attempt to position herself so she could get Sykes' shirt off, Campbell lost her grip mid-tug and reeled backwards, head bouncing off of the futon's armrest. “Okay, ow.” Again, she tried laughing it off, the springs of the cot fold-out creaking when she moved back near Jared. “I'm... ow, that's my... hold on, I'll find the tie for y--leg cramp! Owowowowowow.”

“Okay...” She finally sat upright, still fully clothed. It was almost a surprise that they hadn't fumbled their way into putting clothes on, in all honesty. “It's probably best if we adjust the plan, here. Like... how about the real bed, and we skip the part where we grope in the dark trying to find your fly. Meet you over there in like... one minute?”

The overwhelming desire to rip the clothes from his own body hit a wall of self-restraint. He rose from his spot on the sofa, momentarily oblivious to the aches he still suffered. Nervous energy had overloaded his system, and when he stood and straightened for the first time in hours he noticed the limp but not the pain.

Without a word they undressed in silence, each occasionally stealing a peek over their shoulder at the other like awkward teenagers afraid of getting caught by a curious parent. When Jared was down to just his underwear, a pair of boxer briefs adorned in small yellow Superman logos, the sound of giggling stood his hair on end.

“Normally the laughing comes after the shorts are off,” he sheepishly whispered, glancing briefly behind him and quickly turning back at the sight of light dancing on bare flesh. “And it's not like I planned for this, so I'm not really trying to be all hot, so... yeah.”

Once the last of his clothes were off Jared immediately took a seat on the edge of the bed, drawing the sheets close to cover up.

“I just had a thought.” His eyes were firmly fixed on the floor now, searching for patterns etched into the rug. “I didn't plan for this, so unless you've got, you know, things then I dunno how this all goes down.”

Amy had wrapped up in a blanket from the couch. “Hmm. Really should've thought of that before the naked part. I mean, I'm covered as far as... yeah. No worries there. But we are what passes for responsible adults, and you've probably heard a lot of stories and... uhh...”

She paused briefly to chase Reaper - her pet cat and the only stable male figure in her life - into the washroom, kicking the door closed once he was inside. “Sorry little man - I'll let you out in a bit.” Was the offer to the feline, just before Amy turned back to Jared - though she still wouldn't look directly at him. “I just got out of a batshit crazy relationship where I trusted absolutely nobody around me, so I had everything checked out last week, but you shouldn't have to take a leap of faith in believing that. It's not insulting if I'm not really at all worried about you, right?”

“No, I won't be insulted.” He craned his neck slightly, looking in her direction but still not directly at her. In his mind it would have been disrespectful, regardless of what they were about to consent to. “And I'm gonna say this again, maybe until you believe me.”

After a deep breath and a quick reassurance that she was in fact covered, he raised his eyes to meet hers. His next words were spoken deliberately.

“I don't... believe... the stories.”

“I'm a little afraid that this might give you reason to start believing some...” She trailed off with a sigh, but smiled at the panicked look on Jared's face with every step that brought her closer. “So, you're sure?”

He nodded as he worked to clear the lump from his throat. Still hidden by the bedsheet he rose to his feet, a particularly bold move by his standards.

“Yeah,” he managed to choke out. “I'm sure. It's... it's like you said. I've been wondering. So I guess... here we are.”

Jared took a single step forward and then stopped when a sudden dip in confidence hit.

“Just one question, and don't think that I'm weird for asking, because I honestly don't know seeing as we've never...” His partial statement drew a raised eyebrow in response, leading him to simply blurt out the remainder of his thought. “What're the rules? I assume there's rules, right?”

With Jared on his feet, Amy slipped into the bed she hadn't imagined sharing. “You'll probably be disappointed by how traditional I am. Just... I dunno. Be gentle. Slow and steady wins the race, and don't worry about thinking you have to impress me. I don't compare or keep score... and there's not much to live up to, anyway. The only real rule is not to let this hurt us as friends. What about you?” She held out a hand, “And come here, relax a little. I'm as afraid as you are.”

With the pounding of his heart resonating in his ears, Jared slowly sat back on the bed. At first they lay opposite each other as far apart as possible while still sharing the same mattress, but the distance closed soon enough. Eventually he crawled under the blanket next to her, tossing his own sheet aside. A moment of flitting nervous laughter and glancing eye contact passed before he willed up the courage to place a hand on the small of her back.

His kiss was light at first, as though he was afraid she might suddenly change her mind, further complicating an already delicate situation. She didn't shrink away so his second kiss was longer, but it was only when her lips parted and the intensity of the kiss escalated did Jared finally start to feel comfortable. A switch flipped in his brain, momentarily disabling rational thought and allowing - for the most part - to simply exist in the moment.

Okay, here we go. Now you're not gonna fuck this up.

He took a deep breath, steeled the last of his nerves, and went in for the kill.

Then it all went to hell.

His mind had worked itself to the point where his body had little hope of not reacting to it, but that didn't stop him from trying. Jared pressed his eyes shut tight and tried desperately to distract himself. Every piece of advice he'd ever received about this sort of thing was immediately rendered insignificant.

“Think about something else,” they'd told him. It seemed like sound advice in theory, but in practice it was exceedingly difficult.

Jesus, man, think! Pick something, anything, or we're gonna have a lot of explaining to do. Don't just be a funny story, Jared. For the love of God, don't!

Baseball was his first thought, interesting given that he never thought about it otherwise.

No, stupid! You can't think of baseball. That day in the hallway, when she knocked that purple thing out of your hand and Dan Mulholland showed up, she whacked him with a baseball bat. And that was after he made reference to that thing you're actually doing right now! So...

Mythbusters.

They do have some pretty kickass facial hair, but they’re on the Discovery Channel. And there’s that song. You and me baby ain't nothin' but mammals, so let's do it like they do on the... Yeah, this was a horrible thought. Hurry, pal. Think of something. Think!

Bea Arthur naked in the snow.

Gross. Also? Too late.

Maybe it was a natural lack of endurance, maybe it was being close to six months since his last encounter, maybe his mind had ramped itself up so much that hope for anything other than this result was foolish at best. Regardless of the cause, he was powerless to prevent the outcome.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaand scene. Way to go, jackass.

He didn't say anything, not at first. Instead he rolled to his back and buried his face under a pillow, holding it in place with both hands and muttering a string of self-deprecating curses into the fabric and foam. Finally he slid it just far enough away from his mouth to utter a weak and extremely embarrassed apology.

“God, Amy... I am so, so sorry.” Had they been wrestling instead of ‘wrestling’ then Jared would have won. Not by much, though. “It's never... I mean, it's not like... fuck.”

She tried so hard not to laugh, still reeling from the adrenaline of the initial experience. When the laughter spilled over, she couldn't help herself, rolling to one side and nuzzling her face into his neck. “C'mon, goofball.” She snickered and tried to pull the pillow from his iron grip. “What're you so sad about? You're a guy - hell, even *I* can get like that after a few weeks. And gimmie the damn pillow, you big baby! Nobody's suffocating themselves on my watch.”

“Fine.” He pulled the pillow away from his face and casually tossed it aside. He didn't look over though, preferring to keep his eyes focused on the ceiling. “In that case I think I'll just go throw myself down the mountain again. That was awful, wasn't it? Wow, I feel like such an ass right now.”

Her touch on his shoulder was a calming thing, and she put her lips to his jawline, mumbling sweetly. “It was... too quick to judge,” Again, the giggle - it likely didn't make him feel any better. “But everything seems to be in excellent shape, and I'm fairly sure a second test could yield better results. That is, if you're up for it--err--bad choice of words. You know what I mean. Wanna give it another sho--bad wording again. Take a few minutes to rest if you want, but our deal was one night - one full night - so you've got any number of opportunities, and... let's just say I'm more than willing to assist.”

Another sigh escaped his lips, followed by a quick half-smile. He cocked his head lightly to the side and for a moment their eyes met.

“You're being awfully understanding about this.” In truth he was more than a little surprised. While he'd never had the privilege of this particular experience before - not that he'd admit to, anyway - he'd expected something of a harsher reaction. “But yeah... We can give it another go. I mean, I feel like I owe you one now, and hopefully it won't be an absolute disaster.”

“Just promise to relax,” Amy smiled. “With the most awkward parts behind us, the best is yet to c-oookay, pretend I wasn't about to say that. I'm no expert, but I think we can make the second lap smoother... but we're gonna have to shut up and you're gonna have to stop apologizing.”

“I'm sor... Uh, I mean 'okay'.”

Jared turned to his side, no longer trying to hide himself. The smile waiting for him helped ease the anxiety, but at the same time instilled a desire to help maintain it. She was right. The hardest part was over, and the biggest hurdle had been cleared. Anything from here on out would be familiar territory. The mathematics made a repeat performance almost impossible. He just hoped that the biology followed suit.

Without a word he reached out again to bring her in close, this time gently brushing the tip of her nose with his own before stealing the kiss that would lead to their second moment of intimacy, one that was not betrayed by overburdened nerves and a hair trigger.

The sky was still dark when his eyes first opened. Immediately he noticed that the aching in his head had returned, and his muscles had already stiffened from his fall down the slopes. Wearily Jared pushed himself up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, careful to not wake her. At first he wondered whether this was all a dream, a hallucination brought on by the secret desires of his subconscious mind, but the throbbing in his knee and the contusion that had started to form there was enough to indicate that this all was in fact very real.

For a moment he sat in silence, watching the rise and fall of her chest beneath the blankets and reveling in the temporary serenity in what had been an otherwise chaotic evening. There was no telling what the morning would bring, and whether the moments of “responsible irresponsibility” that they’d shared would do more harm than good to the friendship they’d forged. For now the world was quiet, everything in its place.

He rose to his feet and fished around on the floor for his underwear, sliding on the same Superman boxer-briefs that had earned him a few chuckles earlier in the evening. In the darkness he staggered towards the bathroom, trying to not put much weight on his right side.

Jared searched the medicine cabinet and the area under the sink for Advil, Tylenol, anything to help the pounding inside his head. When he didn’t find any he resigned to finding a new way to deal with it, not wanting to wake Amy for something so trivial. The cool of the water on his face didn’t help much, and neither did the second face staring back at him when his eyes met the mirror.

“Well, this has been a fun little evening, huh?”

In the glass Jared saw himself, but he also saw the reflection of a close friend now two months deceased. Mervin Humperdink was dressed in the same clothes he’d worn the day he was shot: a pair of khaki pants and a white long-sleeved shirt over which he wore a dusted blue Tron tee shirt.

Jared blinked and pressed his hands into his eyes, convinced that his mind was simply playing tricks on him. Then the vision spoke again.

“Surprised? Yeah, me too.” The reflection grinned, and ran its hand over the wet, dark purple blotch in the center of its chest. “I mean, I look pretty good, all things considered. I’d probably be speechless, too.” It pulled its fingers away from the stain and rubbed its thumb and forefinger together. Frowning, it spoke again. “Shame about this shirt, though. Was really one of my favorites.”

Jared’s face went a pale white.

“M-Merv’?”

“In the flesh.” The reflection waved its hands the length of its torso and grinned. “Well… Sort of. You know what I mean.”

“But you’re supposed to be…”

“Dead, right? Yeah, I know. I still am, actually. I guess you could argue that I’m not really here, and you’re not really having this conversation, but I think we both know that would be you’re as crazy as people say, and we can’t have that now can we?”

The reflection raised its eyebrows and laughed.

“Nice job, by the way,” it continued, craning its neck to look through the door. Amy Campbell was still asleep in bed, mumbling softly under her breath. “Think she’ll forgive you for it? Think she’ll forgive herself?”

“What the hell does that mean?” Jared shot back. As he stared into the mirror he suddenly became aware that he could no longer feel his fingers, as the grip he had on the sink had prevented the blood from flowing.

“Come on. Seriously?” The vision laughed again, and though he didn’t know how it was possible Jared felt his grip on the porcelain tighten. “Look, Jared, level with yourself here. Two months ago all you did was kiss. Granted, you were both drunk as hell when it happened, but I seem to remember it traumatizing her to the point where she needed hard drugs to cope.”

Jared watched the reflection lean back against the wall and proudly fold its arms over its chest.

“Just imagine what she’ll have to resort to when she comes to grips with what she did – with what you did here tonight?” It cocked its head to the side and chuckled. “This is twice now you’ve taken advantage of a pretty girl in a weakened and emotional state. Like I said, Jared. Nice job.”

The minute he loosened his grip on the sink, Jared’s legs threatened to give out. The vision saw this, saw the effect that its words had on him, and smiled. Jared’s reaction only fueled it.

“You had to expect this, though. I mean, she invited you to fly out across the country. What did you think was going to happen?”

“I didn’t expect this,” Jared pleaded into the glass. “I didn’t.”

“Please,” it taunted back. “Did you really think that you were going to come out here for girl talk about how Alexandra Pierce is a horrible person and ‘look what she made me do’? Did you? You and I both know you’re not that naïve.”

The reflection pushed away from the wall and took a few steps further. When it was only a foot away from Jared it leaned in close and whispered in his ear.

“You have no idea how much I can’t wait to be a fly on the wall when you have that conversation. ‘Sorry, Al. I fucked your ex-girlfriend.’ Think that’s going to go over well?” It reached out its hands, taking him by the shoulders, and gave him a playful shake. “I. Can’t. Wait.”

Jared’s lower lip started to tremble. If even half the things that Amy had told him during the course of their friendship were true then he had legitimate cause to worry.

The reflection pulled his hands away, and noticing that one was covered in blood used the opportunity to try and wipe it off on Jared. It frowned when it realized that the crimson liquid had already dried and caked in place.

“And don’t forget the kid, either,” it continued. “Quinn, right? She likes you, you know. Probably thinks you’re cool. Maybe even a kindred spirit on that nerdy level. Who knows.” The grin returned, more devious than before. “Imagine what it’s going to be like for her to find out that the closest thing she had to a second parent in Amy, that the reason why her mom probably cries herself to sleep at night…”

“Don’t.”

“Oh, c’mon. Don’t take away my fun.”

“Don’t,” Jared repeated.

“Don’t what? Don’t tell you that you’re now officially just like your father, breaking up a happy home for the sake of his own selfish gain? Okay, I won’t do that.” The glee on the face of the vision was positively revolting. “Oops.”

His muscles tensed. His hair stood on end. The creature staring back at him in the mirror had touched on something too personal, too deep. If it were real, if it was anything other than a construct of his own subconscious mind, he might have taken a swing at it. Instead he released his grip on the sink, letting the blood surge to his fingertips. He straightened but didn’t turn.

“What, did I cross a line?” It had picked up a nearby magazine, casually flipping through the pages before tossing it aside.

“You’re getting real close, yeah.”

“Then I guess it’s a good thing there’s nothing you can do about it.”

It stepped to the door, barely visible in the edge of the reflective glass, before it spoke again.

“When you wake up tomorrow she’ll still be here, but you and I both know it’s only because she doesn’t have anywhere else to go.” It edged closer to the door before reaching back and slapping him on the shoulder. “Everybody you care about ends up leaving, Jared. It’s only a question of when.”

The phantasmal reflection of Mervin Humperdink offered a small salute.

“Have a good night.”

Alone in the room, Jared leaned his back against the wall and slid to the floor, cradling his head in hands.

He didn’t know how long he stayed in the bathroom, but the sky was still dark when he stepped back into the main room. He shuffled across the carpet, and carefully climbed back into bed.

She’d once told him that the only person she was ever able to sleep next to was Darcy, her husband. Everyone else either required the aid of drugs or alcohol in order for her to feel comfortable. Yet here she lay, stone sober, and sharing a bed with him. The thought made him smile as he gently climbed back under the covers quietly so as not to wake her.

So many lines had been crossed already that Jared figured one more wouldn’t make much difference. He kissed her lightly on the shoulder as he wrapped an arm around her waist. She moaned softly, muttering something in French that he didn’t understand.

Jared closed his eyes and waited for sleep, terrified yet hopeful for what tomorrow might bring.