The beautiful thing about the human mind is that you are able to look back on decisions you’ve made over the years and times you’ve worried, and realize that “if you knew then what you know now,” it wouldn’t have been such a problem.

You know the reason for that. It’s not because your mind has magically matured over the past few years, or that your thinking processes have gotten so advanced that those situations are no longer as threatening or problematic as they were then. The simple reason is that both time and events change our perspective, and we as a people are able to grow past it mentally.

Particularly in your case, you remember the time that you were in high school and starting to get more popular as you got better and better on the wrestling team. Your high school was a magnet school, which meant the only available sports were soccer, golf, and wrestling, so the latter was the big deal on campus. So you were getting more exposure, and girls liked you, so you decided to ask one of them to the Freshman/Sophomore dance.

And she said no.

You were devastated. You didn’t go to the dance; you thought that your life was over. And it’s easy to see now, weeks before your career-defining match against Clinton Sage, that you overreacted, and that the situation was terrible.

But being back in that situation in the same position, you’d react the same way. Because our perspectives are limited in everything we do, and all we see is the end of the day. You didn’t see your wrestling career, you didn’t see the turn for the better your life has taken.

All you saw was no.

The main point of this trip through your memories is that it is rare that a situation occurs in our lives that we can’t look back on later and admit we were blowing it out of proportion.

But your current situation? Yeah, this is never going to look silly.

14.2
the window: the letter

Jonathan Rhine hasn’t left his bathroom in forty minutes.

He’s much past the point of being relieved; luckily, there’s a second bathroom in the back of the house, so if none of his visiting family will bother him too much. He shouldn’t be in the bathroom, because it’s Thanksgiving and he should be thinking about spending time with his family, spending time with his girlfriend.

But all he can think about is the letter.

Jonathan re-reads the letter for the fifth time, going over every word in an attempt to simplify everything that has happened to him in the past week after Sarah Riley made an impossible proposal.

It doesn’t help.

Dear Jon,

I figured I won’t be able to keep you away from your press conference long enough to explain myself. I’m sure seeing you will have made me less rational and that what is supposed to be a logical proposal will end up being instead a flurry of overwrought emotion, as well, so I’ll let this letter do it for me.

I have been a psychologist since I was your age. I’ve been doing this for a long time, and after awhile the boundaries develop. You stop seeing your patients as people and start seeing them as tickets. That sounds harsh, so let me elaborate. I see my patients as real people, but it’s almost as if they’re living in a different world, one not relevant to me. They become jobs, and even though you want their problems to cease, and you want to make sure they live normal lives, you aren’t really thinking about the end result. You’re thinking about closing the book on their problems, opening that Tuesday slot for another patient.

I know, it sounds like I’m a monster. But what I’m trying to say is I scoffed at the idea of seeing my male patients as anything but patients. It’s something we were warned about, and the term “counter-transference” was certainly prevalent in the textbooks. But I had no problem with blotting that part of my practice out, even when I switched to more personal therapy.

But then there’s you.

You effectively broke down the boundaries, and every iota of professionalism I had. And I still have no idea how you did it. We had only two or three sessions before I knew. And maybe it was just because you rejected me at first. Maybe it was because you don’t exude the same arrogance that seems typical of everyone in your profession. Maybe it was because I just miss being in a relationship, and you’re the best looking guy I’ve seen in awhile.

In any case, it’s happened. My world is shattered, and I don’t know what to do about it. All I know is that I ache, I burn, I fucking suffer inside for you. And at first I just was satisfied knowing that you have something for me, something that makes you go against your obviously conflicting morality. I felt guilty to put you in that position, but ultimately happy that I was getting what I wanted.

But then I wanted more.

So I will say it here, on paper, in clear conscience and presence of mind, so that you know that it isn’t just the ramblings of an awestruck woman: I acknowledge that you are in a committed relationship. I know how you feel about her. But I also know that something’s missing. And while I’m not promising that I am any sort of missing link, or final puzzle piece, or anything like that, I’m the unknown prospect. I’m not a comfortable pick. I’m not someone you’ve known your whole life. And after all I’ve learned about you, I know that’s a good thing.

Be with me, Jonathan.

Sincerely,
Sarah Riley

Jonathan shakes his head and sighs, looking into the bathroom mirror, trying to find something besides the face of a confused, desperate, scared man.

14.3
the mirror: good things

You only wanted a release from all the pressure, and you got something much more than you bargained for.

Things went really well for you at first. Even though you felt like you were doing something wrong (when at the time you weren’t; another example of overreacting to situations), you got a lot of help from her; she was very good at helping you come to terms with your doubts after coming into the business. You were intimidated by her beauty, but you took a lot of good things from the first two or three sessions.

You remember that you were starting to doubt your relationship with Katie at the time, and as weird as it sounds, she helped you a lot in rectifying the situation. She helped you to understand why Katie was reacting the way she was, and then soon after it led to an understanding between the two of you. Ever since Katie joined FUSE, the two of you have had no arguments on the topic of wrestling.

Sarah Riley may not be your typical psychologist, but that doesn’t mean she wasn’t effective. And at the time, despite everything you had heard, she was just a psychologist to you. She wasn’t offering you anything more than advice. And you were perfectly happy with the way things were going.

But things changed. Because the more that you went to see her, the more you realized that you couldn’t treat her as a regular psychologist.

Because psychologists don’t look like that. And they certainly don’t kiss like that.

14.4
the window: just thinking

After fifteen more minutes, Jonathan walks into his dining room to find that the world has moved on without him.

“I tried saving you a seat,” says Katie consolingly, moving aside on the chair she is sitting on so that they can sit together. He sees that she has already prepared a plate for him, and he smiles and kisses her on the cheek.

Sylvia Rhine smiles at her son. “Jonathan, I just want to say how thankful we all are that you flew us up here for dinner on such short notice. This is all so nice!”

Jonathan blushes and flicks his head in his girlfriend’s direction. “She prepared it,” he says, then is slightly insulted by his mother’s over-the-top surprised expression.

“So, Katie,” Greg Rhine says, making sure to speak loudly enough so that the entire table can pay attention, “how are you enjoying working alongside Jonny at FUSE? I’m sure you’re really enjoying the action.”

Jonathan grimaces as Katie takes time finishing a bite of turkey before answering. “Well, it’s certainly interesting. And it’s really time-consuming too. I barely had time to schedule my interview.”

Jonathan suddenly looks up at Katie, confused. “Interview? What interview?”

The question brings a satisfied smile to Katie’s face as she gives her answer to the entire table. “I finally got a call from Carnegie Mellon’s MBA program, and they want me to fly out there this week as part of their interview process.”

“That’s great, honey,” says Sylvia in a hollow voice, and for a few moments the only sounds are scraping plates and Brandon, Jonathan’s older brother, smacking his food a bit too loudly.

Idle conversation picks up as the Rhines discuss hometown issues that Jonathan has no knowledge of or interest in. Jessica, the youngest Rhine sibling, shoots apologetic glances at her older brother as his mother and father continue to ramble on about social club meetings and attempted burglaries.

“Son, are you okay?” asks Greg, once again raising his voice so that the entire table looks at Jonathan. He looks up timidly and shrugs.

“I’m fine. Just, uh…” He looks down at his plate again, lifting his cup to his mouth to shield his burning cheeks. He then looks up, a weird smile on his face. “Just thinking, is all.”

14.5
the mirror: doubts and questions

Thinking about the turn that your relationship with Sarah took brings up a lot of good memories. But thinking about it too much has the opposite effect.

The same thing that made your union with her a possibility also drives you crazy. There are tons of questions that run through your mind every time you think about her, and every one has to do with her side job.

You never had a problem with her dates and other appointments before, because you were too focused on trying to retain the relationship that you already had. But now that you think about her more, you wonder if you’re really okay with the fact that Foster Nackedy recommended you to her. Does that mean she’d been with Foster? What about Tony Pride and his son? This is a woman who is telling you how much you mean to her, but it’s very likely that the man you’re facing this week has been where you’ve been in that respect.

That’s another thing, as well. She is asking you to leave your girlfriend for her, presumably so she can be the replacement. If she wants a serious commitment, are you supposed to be okay with the continuation of this job? Would you ever be able to tell her not to do it anymore? The questions are open-ended and numerous.

Sarah Riley says that she is an unknown prospect, and she is certainly right. But how certain are you that this is a good thing? She counsels people who are part of a strange industry, one that creates sick and twisted people like Clinton Sage. Foster isn’t the nice guy he used to be either. Who’s to say she isn’t – or won’t be – affected by any of it? Hell, she could even be part of it.

You’ve had a recurring dream that you’re in the ring after DEFIANCE, holding your newly won Universal Title up high, when you get whacked by a stiff chair shot. As you roll your head up in pain to see your attacker, you see the same woman who counseled you, who said she loved you. And then your secret is revealed in front of your family…in front of Katie.

It sounds far-fetched, but you saw someone hit a seven year-old with a chair in this federation. You may only be a rookie, but you have come to realize that anything goes in FUSE.

All of these doubts and questions haunt you, and it keeps you from fully enjoying your family gathering. Instead of giving thanks for everything good in your life, you’re stressing over things that could potentially be bad.

But amazingly, you’re still not deterred. You’re still thinking about the good things. You’re still thinking about the letter.

Be with me, Jonathan.

14.6
the window: let you down

Katie gives Jonathan a side-long look as he washes the dishes in silence. She comes up behind him and leans against his back, putting her arms around him. “That didn’t go too bad, did it?”

Nodding, Jonathan simply answers, “No, it went pretty well. It should keep my family from calling for my blood every few weeks, at least.” Putting up the last of the dishes, Jonathan turns around and grabs Katie’s shoulders, smiling down at her. “But I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about the interview!”

Katie does not return the smile, instead electing to look down, slightly shameful. “I wasn’t hiding it from you. I just wasn’t sure you’d be really excited about it.”

“Of course I’m excited about it. It’s a great opportunity for you. Plus you’ve been restricted to following me everywhere since joining me at FUSE. Now you can have some time to yourself, be alone, you know?”

Katie frowns. “But I don’t want to be alone. I’m just not really happy about it because I have to miss UPROAR and the lead-up to Defiance. They said there’s a week-long tour for prospective students with good test scores, so I’m gonna be in Pittsburgh for awhile. And I don’t like abandoning you like that.”

Jonathan smiles again as he kisses her on the forehead. “Wait…is this my girlfriend, the girl who hates wrestling, upset because she’s going to miss a show? Wow, I never thought I’d see the day.” She playfully punches him and he laughs. “But seriously, this is great for you. I am really excited for you.”

“Thanks. I’m going to make sure I get back in time for DEFIANCE, though. I’d never let you down for that.”

Jonathan hugs her closer and looks past her, the smile on his face growing wider. “I know. I don’t want to let you down either.”

Katie looks up at him, confused. “What do you mean? You aren’t letting me down.”

Jonathan refrains from answering for a second as he stares at her. “I guess you’re right,” he finally says.

14.7
the mirror: selfish happy

But you have.

You’ve let her down because of what you’re thinking now, as you talk about one of the biggest moments in her life.

Because you want to be happy for her. You want to support her, because this is important for her future. This is what she’s always wanted, and despite her attempts to claim the opposite, you know that it is very important to her that she develop a future of her own. She wants to have an MBA so that she isn’t just doing well because she’s the arm piece of a professional wrestler. You respect that, and you want to be happy for her.

But all you can think about is how now you won’t have to lie to her for a week. How now you can go sort things out with Sarah without obstruction. How you can spend 7 days going over everything in your mind and, more importantly, being with the woman who has been dominating your thoughts, whether they be good or bad, for the past few months.

You tell Katie that you’re happy, but it’s a selfish happy, and in that way you’ve already let her down.

14.8
the window: be with me

The next day, Jonathan is pulling a large bag across the terminal. Katie looks downtrodden, as does her boyfriend. As they reach her gate, Jonathan looks at the rope cutting off entry and sighs. “This is as far as I can go, huh?”

“Yeah.”

They stare at each other for a few long seconds, not sure what to say. Katie finally offers, “I guess this isn’t the romantic good-bye we’d hope for, is it?” Jonathan merely shrugs.

“Good luck this week against Pride. Remember to play to your speed against him, and watch out for Clinton: he’s going to be looking for vengeance this week.” Katie kisses him once, slowly, then goes in for another, longer kiss. “I’m going to miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too.”

They kiss one last time, and Katie steps past the ropes. After watching her for a second, Jonathan turns around and heads to the exit.

Looking for his car in the garage, Jonathan sighs heavily, Katie’s ring advice slipping to the back of his mind. He wants to get out of the airport, out of the area, away from everything.

So he can think about what is going to happen next.

Be with me, Jonathan.