You aren’t really good at ignoring the bad things that happen in your life.

You used to be, definitely. In high school once, you had to read Heart of Darkness for class, and the best bit of advice you got from it was the act of repressing the depressing darkness of the world. What you understood from the novella was that, if you let yourself be consumed by the reality of the world, if you ever stop ignoring life and stare it full in the face…you’d never be able to live a single day.

And so for many years you lived your life that way. You ignored the fact that you were forgoing education to partake in a dumb man’s profession. You ignored the fact that your family was melting away from you. You ignored the fact that you were never truly sure, at the start, if you cared for your current girlfriend at all.

Then you joined FUSE.

And problems started following you around like metals to a magnet. And you ignored them at first – ignored your protégé’s warnings, ignored your family using your budding fame for their own gain, ignored that fact that moving in with your girlfriend wasn’t a good idea – and just went with the flow. Because, like stated earlier, not ignoring these things and facing then head-on will just drive you insane.

But it started to slip after awhile. You began seeing bad things pile up and, rather than stick them on the back burner, you started trying to tackle every problem head-on. You confronted your family on the way they treat you, you tried to face your anxiety in becoming a new person…And you also tried to save a wrestling company from a disease.

None of these have worked out particularly well for you.

As you sit on a plane headed towards your home town of New Orleans, you realize that the negative results you have encountered may be direct results on your confrontation. Your parents haven’t called you since you blew up at a dinner party; your anxiety led you to do something that you thought you would never do, and hurt someone you value more than anything; and you have made an enemy of a man who is more dangerous than anyone you’ve ever met.

Maybe life was better when you acted like you were Marlowe from Heart of Darkness. Maybe if you try too hard to see in the dark, you go blind.

13.2
the window: shown around

The last time Jonathan Rhine had left New Orleans, he had just had a rocky experience with his parents, and as he boarded the plane back home, it was raining heavily.

The symbolism remains strong here, as a new chance is greeted with shining sunlight.

Jonathan smiles as he steps down to the ground, holding his hand up to shield his eyes from the sun. Katie follows him, a big smile on her face. This isn’t just Jon’s hometown.

There’s a small pocket in the leftmost corner of Louis Armstrong International Airport that is reserved for occasions such as this: when the New Orleans Saints arrive home on Sunday nights, for their fans to wait and snap pictures and offer congratulations or commiserations; when a press event is scheduled for a celebrity’s arrival in the city for some philanthropic purpose; and, in this case, when a homegrown boy decides to come home and wants his family to be there, waiting for him.

“Honey, I’ve missed you so much!” Sylvia Rhine says dutifully, running up to him and throwing his arms around him. Jonathan smiles and reacts, but does so cautiously. Their last blowup is still fresh in Jonathan’s mind.

Katie’s mind as well, it seems. “Hello, Sylvia,” she says coolly. Jonathan’s mother looks at her sympathetically and nods, then turns to Jonathan. “I’m so glad you’re finally back home. We need to show you around, bring you back to all of your old friends so they can see what you…”

Jonathan looks to Katie awkwardly. “Mom…this isn’t just a personal visit. I’m here on business.”

Sylvia stops suddenly, looking to Jonathan, rather hurt. “But I thought…I thought you were coming home to apologize…”

“Mom, I’m not here to apologize for leaving. I did what I thought was best, and I stand by it. I called you to come see me today because I missed you, and I wanted to see you while I was in town. But I don’t have the time to be ‘shown around’ because FUSE has me here on business, to promote the match here in a few weeks.”

Sylvia says nothing for a short time, then nods. “All right,” she says finally. “I see that your choice has already been made. Don’t bother driving me home, I have a ride waiting.”

“Mom…”

Katie grabs Jonathan’s arm as he watches his mother walk towards the main airport complex. Sighing, he shakes his head. “It’s not really a surprise,” he offers to his girlfriend, as if a consolation. She nods, and they make their way to the limousine waiting for them.

13.3
the mirror: mother’s guilt

Facing your mother head-on hasn’t really eased your mind much.

On one hand, you’re completely right. Your family has tried to make you into a circus show where you were the main attraction and they were the main profiteers. They accused you of being selfish when you weren’t willing to line their pockets. And you don’t have to apologize to them. It’s all basic logic.

However, mothers aren’t exactly bedmates with logic.

You can justify that your family is doing you wrong, that you are the victim, but you really can’t feel good about it. Not when you see your mother in tears. One of the strongest forces in the world is a mother’s guilt, and you just got a full blast of it.

Katie tries to calm you down, but you can’t stop thinking about your actions, and how they are going to ripple throughout your family. Your mother is going to cry. Your father is going to lecture. Your brother is going to threaten to kick your ass. Your sister is going to silently dread the direction her family has taken.

And you’re going to continue to take the wrestling world by storm. Because no matter what they feel, no matter how mad they are at you, the distance gives you the right to ignore them. You can forget about the problems they cause.

So why are you still worried about it?

13.4
the window: not a hero

“…and then we’ll spend about thirty minutes with autographs. Sound good, Mr. Rhine?”

Jonathan looks at FUSE’s road agent suddenly, shaking his head. “I’m sorry?”

The agent sighs. “I’m going down your itinerary for your New Orleans visit. We’re going to meet some fans, do some photoshoots for recovering some homes, and then we’ll bring you back to the Superdome for a conference. Are you okay with all that?”

Jonathan nods, and Katie massages his shoulders. Jonathan closes his eyes and hopes that the events go quickly so he can patch things up with his family.

They don’t. Hours pass, and by the time Jonathan and Katie reach the Superdome, Jon’s eyes and steps are both heavy.

He gets out of the car and begins speaking to fans, shaking their hands and answering their typical questions. After a second, one of the questions becomes less typical.

“When is FUSE going to realize you’re lucky, Rhine?”

All of the fans around him turn around to see an older man standing tall in the crowd. “When are the rest of the fans going to realize it?” he continues.

“Excuse me?” Rhine asks.

“You were the only good guy around with the morals and just enough physical skills to take on the Affliction. You don’t have the skills for the Livewire title, so they just skipped you right by worthier guys like Cruise and put you up against someone just because of circumstance.”

He is grabbed by the road agents, but he continues shouting. “You’re not a champion. You’re not a winner. You’re definitely not a hero. I’ve heard things about you, Rhine! I’ve heard things!”

The man is moved away, and Rhine looks around nervously, not sure what to do or say. Katie hugs him, then says, “Don’t listen to him. Everyone’s got a few hecklers, right? Come on, let’s go do that conference so we can leave.”

“Yeah.”

They begin to walk towards the recently constructed stage on the ramp of the Superdome entrance when suddenly a small man grabs his arm. “Mr. Rhine? There’s someone to see you at Gate E. She says it’s very important.”

13.5
the mirror: product of circumstance

A typical and healthy reaction would be to let this smark’s comment roll off of your back. After all, it’s not like you’ve never met a smartass guy with no real talent who had something rude to say. You see Lane Stevens once a week.

But now, with your inability to ignore everything, it becomes a glaring problem. Are you just a product of circumstance? Yes, you won a match to get to this point, but was it luck?

Do you deserve to be here?

You want to say yes, instinctively. You’ve won matches; hell, you’ve only lost one, and you didn’t eat the pinfall for that one. Every time you come close to Clinton Sage, you have come out victorious. So the result seems academic.

But the more you think, on your way to meet this “important” person, you aren’t so sure.

You haven’t been here long enough to be a main eventer. You’re only in the scene because when you joined there weren’t a lot of people ahead of you. And then Covel and Tanaka and Bolamba quit.

Maybe you are a product of circumstance.

And what did he mean by “I’ve heard things”?

13.6
the window: choose me

Jonathan moves from the light area of the press conference stage to the shady section of Gate E, and he is unnerved. Looking around warily, Jonathan looks for the person who needed to speak with him.

“Hello, Jonathan.”

He looks up to see the same woman who has been following him, the same woman who has loved him, the same woman who is not his girlfriend.

“Sarah,” he breathes slowly. “I…”

Her tearful eyes stop him. “I don’t want to do this. I hate doing this to you. You don’t deserve it. I’m so sorry.” She breathes in heavily, then lets it out and begins again. “But I must. I have to tell you, and I have to say it now.”

She grabs his hand and looks up at him. “I’ve always offered the undesirable part of my profession because I wanted to keep my options open. It made me feel dirty, disgusting, and whorish, but I did it because that was the only way I wouldn’t get lost in my work. I want to help people, but I also want love. I want to find someone who will make everything okay for me.” She breathes in again, sobbing. “And I have.”

Jonathan shakes his head. “Sarah, no…”

“I know, I know, Katie. I’ve never want to hurt her, and I know what you have, and you love her…but you love me too. I know you do. And I can’t believe I’m saying this, but…” she closes her eyes for a second, as if summoning the courage. “Choose me. Love me. Be with me. Please.”

Jonathan looks at the sincere face of his psychologist and says nothing.

13.7
the mirror:

Marlowe comes back from Africa as a changed man. He sees everything in a different light, and he realizes that after seeing “the horror! the horror!” that he has seen, the only way he can make it through his world is to block out all of the darkness.

You don’t have that luxury.

Your family will never understand. They will never see your side.

No matter how many matches you win, there will always be that doubt. There will always be a nagging feeling that maybe you don’t belong.

And you will never recover from your lapse of judgment. Those things just don’t go away, no matter how much you try to focus on them.

It’s not that you are choosing to face these dark things, it’s that you can’t ignore them. They are too large. Too important. Too dark.

You’ve faced the horrors, and you have to keep facing it. And you don’t have the option of giving up.

There’s only one option, and it won’t be pretty.