Andre Jensen has no such luxury – he hasn’t for a number of years. Since those vague years which he was in his prison he has felt a distinct emptiness, unable to remember anything from the 5 years he was away other than solitary confinement, boredom and suffering. That was until last night.
Last night was the most pain Andre had felt in his life. Last night Andre remembered he had a life before and along with it came the most pain a human can take. Remembering is one thing, remembering horrors after so much joy is another.
So here he is, walking through Pittsburgh at 4am in the rain, alone, lost, hurt and most of all scared. For the first time he can remember someone has power over him, someone who is actually sick enough to use it, and that is a scary notion even for AJ to take.
He wanders aimlessly, kicking a can, remembering life back at home – or so he thinks anyway. Is the life he remembers the life he had? Jimmy the Bishop may have altered his whole memory of everything. One thing is for definite, he had a wife, he had a son, and he had a brother. His wife is now some sort of whore for his new found master, his son and brother are dead, all of AJ’s doing. If he had just let that truck past him, instead of losing control when the truck tailgated him then maybe everything would be fine. How was AJ to know that the truck would shunt him off the road if he got cocky? How was he to know, if he did shunt him off the road that it would be at the end of a cliff. How was he the only one to survive? The questions eat at AJ’s soul as he continues to stagger along the 4am streets.
Mian-Yi was released and safe, that much he knew. She had called him on his cell sometime in the night and left a message, naturally he didn’t want to speak but at least she was ok. Just one thing in a fucked up world that made him at least think “ok, this isn’t as bad as is made out”
AJ stumbles past the nightclubs, bars, strip joints, hobos, tramps and other parts of nightlife which on a grey dark night like tonight AJ really doesn’t wish to interact with. He would usually go into one at this time in the morning, or spend an hour or so getting the story off a tramp next to a fire but he doesn’t feel like doing a single thing tonight other than be aimless.
He stops next to the town hall and looks up at the building flying an American flag.
“Ironic eh? I come to you to start a new life, and that gets screwed up even more than my old one” he mumbles to himself as he walks over to the steps of the town hall and sits on them, surveying the Pittsburgh he sees before him.
He puts his hands in his head and looks at the photograph again. Things were much different; he was younger back then, with no worries. He had no reason to be unhappy. There was a beautiful wife, a great son and a brother who would die to help him. Well he did die, but all because of AJ not helping him, that’s what made it so wrenching.
“No use moping around at the steps of the town hall AJ” It was the sound of Mian-YI
AJ doesn’t respond as he stares off into space, looking at a fixed point on the steps as if he wishes the whole ground would swallow him. Neither does anything change as Mian-Yi sits down next to him and offers him a coffee from the all night starbucks. Taking a sip, she begins to speak
“You know, by rights I should be angry, I got kidnapped just because I was in the way and offered you a job which you should really have turned down knowing you were a part of that crowd, but I know you didn’t mean any harm and you had no idea what they were capable of, so it’s ok.”
Still no response, but Mian-Yi continues.
“Apology accepted, now moving on. So I get an answering machine message while I was being held at Jimmy’s mansion; you are set up this week against Malachi. So we are off to the airport in a couple of hours, you better get ready, and get some sleep.”
“I aint goin’”
“What do you mean, you aint goin?!”
“I mean exactly that. Screw wrestling, screw everything. What do I have to live for really? I have killed my family; my wife is screwing some big shot mafia fuck who has all my memories. Everything I remember, who I am and where I am from is probably a lie. I am through with it all!”
Mian-Yi shrugs, nonchalantly sipping her coffee as they sit in the rain together on the steps. She turns to AJ as if nothing he says is serious.
“You know, you could find your answers through wrestling. Wouldn’t that make things better?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well think about it AJ, you got into wrestling with Jimmy to get him that title didn’t you?”
“Yeah, but that…….”
“But nothing, you still have that. Remember, you get the title, you get to fight Jimmy. What has changed?”
“Everything”
Mian-Yi chuckles slightly, bringing a scolding look from AJ
“Everything? Well last time I checked, you wanted to fight Jimmy to get him off your back, now you want to fight Jimmy to get your life back I presume?”
“Maybe”
Mian-Yi now begins to get furious with AJ
“Maybe? Just maybe? My god AJ, is your brain that scrambled? We are talking a CHANCE TO GET YOUR LIFE BACK, while BEATING THE MAN WHO TOOK IT AWAY. How the hell can you sit there all moping about saying, oh, I might want to get him back for what he did, and I might not? It isn’t you AJ, it has never been you!”
It’s now AJ’s turn to start getting angry.
“HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN I DON’T EVEN KNOW IT WAS NEVER ME!?! I DON’T KNOW ABOUT MY LIFE 5 YEARS AGO, I DON’T EVEN REMEMBER ANYTHING THAT HAPPENED BEFORE I GOT TO THE STATES!”
“AJ, believe me on this, I am not going to get into it fully, but I know you. I know exactly what you can do. You forget you were in FUSE before this all happened. Everyone knows how capable you are except you. I know what you can do; I know where you can bounce back and what you are capable of in the wrestling world. Why else do you think I took you on as this job? You are the sort of person we can deal with AJ; everyone in the world knows it except you!”
“WELL THAT’S THE PROBLEM ISNT IT? I MEAN I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE BACK THEN, I JUST HAVE YOU TELLING ME, I HAVE FUSE STAFF SAYING HI, WELCOME BACK, I HAVE WRITE UPS SAYING AFTER A LONG LAYOFF HE IS ALL ITCHING TO GO. I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT THEY MEAN WHEN THEY SAY THAT TIA!”
“AJ”
“What?”
“You just called me Tia”
AJ suddenly softens at the mention of his wife’s name, collecting himself.
“Sorry, it slipped out.”
Mian-Yi smiles at AJ as she puts her arm on his shoulder.
“It’s ok AJ, it happens. Look at the end of the day; we all want the same thing. You want to get Jimmy, I want to help you, and he needs to go down. He kidnapped me remember?”
AJ sits in silence, remembering last night and the week before when Mian-Yi was kidnapped.
“I swear, if I come back, if I am going to carry on. You are going to be safe. In fact, you are the only person I actually know, so you gotta be.”
With this AJ chuckles slightly and stands up. He begins to walk away before Mian-Yi calls him.
“What will you do if you don’t come back?”
AJ stops for a moment, looking back at Mian-Yi with sad, thoughtful eyes.
“I don’t know…….. go home? See you around”
AJ has a slight smile while he walks away from Mian-Yi, perhaps for the final time.