Ethan Frost was caught in between two wars now, wars which had escalated beyond his own control and now was simply a figure in the middle watching as everything unravelled around him, part of him enjoyed this unknown and caused the hunger within him to grow, not knowing where he would end up as everything simply happened to him, he honestly felt like a man with no control.
It had become apparent that Frost had got himself involved in a turf war without even realising it. A guy with low self-esteem generally doesn’t see himself as a valuable commodity, he doesn’t see what others see in him. Ethan Frost was exactly the same, sure he felt like his life was beginning to get back on track in some respects but in every other it was simply falling apart.
“What was I thinking?” The four short words flowed effortlessly from Ethan’s mouth, it was clear that they had been said a number of times over the past few days as they were quickly followed by a long protracted sigh. Ethan Frost was sat opposite his psychiatrist Dr Jenkins, who had been dealing with his case for a while now, having built up an extensive case history against Frost and had developed a certain liking towards the blue haired guy. She could see how torn he was between himself and she knew that he was going to make the wrong choice with regards to ‘The Affliction’ he had basically told her that he was going to, sure she could have stopped him but in Ethan’s mind it simply wouldn’t have registered. In fact any attempt to stop him would have resulted in Frost completely abandoning all rationale, he would have not turned back. This way he was allowed to draw his own conclusions, his conscious was beginning to kick in.
“It was something you needed to experience for yourself Ethan, I’m sorry that you had to experience what you did last week, but don’t you feel better for it. You embraced your dark side and you didn’t choose to embrace it fully now did you?” Although Dr Jenkins had meant it as a rhetorical question there was the slightest of doubts in the tone of her voice which Ethan must have picked up on it because he allowed his head to drop slightly and once again sighed exhaustively.
If the truth was told Frost had embraced the dark side and fair enough he hadn’t embraced it fully, but he had allowed himself to touch it, to experience it and it wasn’t as negative as he had thought it would actually be. People had suddenly paid attention to him, the reaction on that level was amazing. No longer was he simply another guy coming to the ring, a guy that the die hard fans cheered for, or those that had followed him from his UWF days. No this was every-one. Everyone in that arena was bought to their feet, he was even pretty sure he saw some people rubbing their eyes in disbelief.
“Did you Ethan?”
The thing was, could he live with that sort of reaction all the time. He was a good guy fundamentally, he liked the cheers, hell it was one of the reasons he had moved away from his college background, the only fans who truly appreciated chain mat wrestling were the guys who sat on the internet discussing whether or not Lane Stevens is the real brains behind ‘The Affliction’ and who exactly the Scourge is. Your average fan was after only one thing really a guy who could fly and sure at first it was off putting, he was quite a large set guy and through the years he had hurt himself quite significantly, but he pulled off a move-set which the fans really loved.
But he had turned his back on them.
He had turned his back on everything he held dear.
“No, no I didn’t.” Frost had now risen to his feet and was pacing up and down in front of the table, his hands had been run through his hair so many times in the past few days, a disturbing blue tinge was beginning to show. It was an honest answer at least and Dr Jenkins seemed to appreciate that. The more time he spent with her, the more he had begun to warm to her. As with most men who had personal problems, they didn’t like admitting they had a problem ,let alone to a woman. It wasn’t that Ethan was a sexist, far from it, it was simply a matter of pride which was deep rooted through years of evolution.
“So Ethan, tell me about this woman who you have been writing about, she seems to be having a positive influence on you.” Dr Jenkins was glancing through what appeared to be a diary, a number of the pages were blank but on the occasional page there was a small entry, something pretty non descript along the lines of.
‘Watched Lord Of The Rings in one sitting. Felt slightly better about life.’
No pepperoni pizzas left, bad day’
His personal life had begun to get back on track, whilst he had mocked the idea at first, he had found the mood diary suggested by the psychiatrist had actually helped in some way. He himself had been able to make notes as to where and when he felt he reached certain levels of despair or alternatively happiness, he hadn’t really been experiencing much of that happiness, but there had been a few little gems that he had been able to clutch on to, gems that he had written down like a teenage girl writing in her diary about a boy she likes and how he accidentally touched her in biology class.
“Aimz, sorry Amy” Frost mumbled almost non descript under his breath. It was at this point he really wanted to leap out and proclaim his innocence, he could see the look in Dr Jenkins eyes already and could tell what she was thinking, you didn’t need to be a psychiatrist for that. Hell the internet communities had already begun their crazy speculations about a blossoming romance between the newly married Aimz and Ethan Frost. How cameras had somehow caught Aimz in Frost’s dressing room with Frost in just his underwear, he wanted to protest his innocence in it all.
With Aimz it was difference, he did truly see her as a friend that was something that was incredibly rare in this industry.
Ethan Frost had known her for years, he knew of her history and the troubles that she often tried to dismiss as hear say or vicious rumours of the liberal media, but everyone who knew her, who knew her really, knew exactly what she was like and her past, what she had been forced to do in her darkest times. After all Aimz herself was a woman who had experienced more than her fair share of depression and angst in her life.
It was territory for a wrestler, it was the work schedule that seemed to do it, always on the road, never really able to call anywhere home, sure you owned a house with an accompaniment of cars, you could have a plasma TV in every single room, including the toilet just to show off, but it was never a home not really. It was simply an expensive shell, somewhere to store the belongings that you never saw. When you were a wrestler you lived out of a suitcase, you had a suit that you took with you everywhere for dinners, or formal occasions like charity balls. You had a select number of clothes that were for everyday use, your ring attire and toiletries that was it in its entirety. Every week you would check into your assigned hotel and your assigned room, you would stay there for a few days and then you would move on, repeating ad nauseum.
“So what is it that draws you to her? You’ve felt alone in FUSE since you returned, you have actively sought out companionship since your return, so why with Amy as opposed to say someone like Sean Sterling or Jonathon Rhine, is there anything that singles Amy out to you.” Dr Jenkins had been very careful to tip toe around the fact that she though that the only reason Frost was drawn to her was that she was an attractive female. Even though her gut instincts were telling her that was exactly why Frost was being drawn towards this Aimz character.
It was classic behaviour that Frost was demonstrating, the type of which had no major recriminations in the short term, but if they continued to grow and the symptoms became stronger, could often lead to a further self-destructive path. For if the source of this positive feedback, the kindness and the common courtesy of another person can sometimes, nay often be misread as something more. What is a simple gesture of kindness often goes a lot deeper in the eyes of the damaged individual and they begin to paint pictures which aren’t there.
Eventually it began to get to you, the loneliness of it all, it was very hard being friends with colleagues especially in the profession as it was today with everyone out to further their own careers, not worrying, nor caring about who they trod on along the way.
Aimz was different though.
“I guess, it’s because she’s honest, she doesn’t mince her words, also I guess she accepts me for who I am. A human, a human being who is capable of making mistakes, but is not limited by them. She saw me at my weakest last week, she saw the scars I bare and carry with me both mental and physical, she looked me in the eyes and didn’t judge me or even blame me for the actions that I decided to take. She simply looked me in the eyes and extended an olive branch. A chance to prove who I really am. A chance to show that I’m not a puppet of my emotions, but someone who can and will make my own choices when I have to.” Frost had pulled himself up and was now delivering the speech like a world war two general rousing the troops. He was not sure exactly where the passion had come from, but somewhere inside something had snapped, but in a good way. The tangled web of mess in his head were slowly beginning to unravel piece by piece, like abandoned Christmas lights which were only touched once a year.
“I see. Ethan I want you to do something for me….this week I don’t want you to see this Amy woman. I believe that she has helped you to reach this level but as far as she is concerned there is nothing more she can do for you” Dr Jenkins had now closed the mood diary and placed in calmly in front of her, interlocking her fingers and allowing her eyes to fall upon Frost for a moment, ready and waiting to gauge his reaction, this was the final test, if he flipped out of control then he was heading for a fall, if he didn’t then possibly he would be able to progress with his healing.
Frost paused for a moment a ran the idea over in his head, he knew that he had to see Aimz, but at the same time he was convinced that Dr Jenkins’s believed that he was falling in love with Aimz, which he really wasn’t, not in the slightest. However if he said anything, once again it would be interpreted as something else, so he simply told her exactly what she wanted to hear.
“Ok, I won’t see her. I’ve more than got my hands full this week anyway, I’ve got a crowd to win back.”
For a moment there was silence as the two weighed up the conversation, looking for any nook or cranny of deceit but after the moments awkwardness passed Dr Jenkins smiled and nodded happily at Frost, who in turn smiled back, a smile of quiet relief.
“You’ve made the right decision Ethan.”
“Well I know you only want what’s best for me Dr.”
“Please call me Claire.”
“Ok Claire, once again thank you so much for your time. So the same time next week?” Frost smiled and extended his hand to Dr Jenkins who in return smiled and shook it tightly.
“Certainly Ethan and if you need me before then you know exactly where I am.”
Ethan Frost nodded at Dr Jenkins before turning on his heels and leaving the room, working his way through the corridors of the surgery before stepping out into the brisk autumn winds that blew through his hair and made him cold to his very core. Regardless of what Dr Jenkins thought, there was nothing going on with Aimz, for a start she was a married woman and secondly she was a friend, you just simply didn’t do that if you were a bloke, well any sort of bloke with moral values anyway. That said he could see where Dr Jenkins was coming from, she had really gone out of her way to help him.
“When all this is done, I really should take her out to dinner as a thank you or at least buy her a drink.” Frost said to the world in general as was often the fashion of a deluded mind as he climbed into his car and drove off to his hotel.
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Dr Jenkins however had not moved, she was sat quite silently staring at her hand where Ethan Frost had shaken it just a few minutes ago, her eyes almost glazed over as her focus was drawn more and more towards it.
“Ethan I’ll make you nice and better, I’ll look after you and all save you from all the darkness in the world and from any woman that tries to take you away from me. You love me, you just don’t realise it yet.”
It was then she raised the hand to her nose and sniffed deeply before sighing contently.
“Ethan….I can still smell you…”